📖 Why We Click

“‘Eye fucking is real,’ said Dick DeGuerin, a trial lawyer who is known for successfully arguing what would seem unwinnable cases, including the acquittal of . . . an infamous beheading case.”

^{—Kate Murphy, Why We Click}

Continue reading this book excerpt below 👇

Why do you click with some people instantly, and feel out of tune with others?

In Why We Click, journalist Kate Murphy unpacks that question, using stories and emerging science to explain how human connection actually works.

Murphy argues that “clicking” isn’t magic. It’s synchrony. Our bodies and brains literally fall into rhythm with other people, shaping how close, understood, and energized we feel in their presence.

A few ideas from the book:

1️⃣ Synchrony makes connection feel effortless. When we’re in sync, our brains get to relax into predictability which feels deeply rewarding. This can come from moving similarly, laughing together, or reacting in time.

2️⃣ Your vibe really is contagious. Because emotions and physiology sync up, an anxious, negative, or self-absorbed person can pull a whole group down. Similarly, a calm, engaged presence can lift it. ​Choosing who you spend time is, in a very real way, choosing the state your own mind and body will inhabit.

3️⃣ You can choose to “click” more. Murphy highlights that curiosity, shared focus, and doing things together (not just side by side) supercharge synchrony. ​ Think singing in a choir, dancing, team sports, or even just doing chores together to strengthen a relationship.

CONTINUE READING
An Excerpt from Why We Click

“… Ever the gentleman, DeGuerin begged pardon for the earthy language but said ‘eye fucking’ was when two people lock eyes in a way that ‘conveys not necessarily a sexual attraction but more a kind of unspoken meeting of the minds.’ Indeed, as discussed in earlier chapters, mutual gaze and coordinated pupil dilation can be key indicators of neural synchrony.

—Kate Murphy, Why We Click

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR

I received an advance copy of this book, and I’m finding it really interesting.

I always thought there are just certain people we don’t click with. But I’m learning more is in our control than I realized.

Scott